Money Conversations We Should Be Having

You can’t escape it — money is a topic that permeates almost every aspect of our lives. 

Yet even though many of us share the same financial woes, we shy away from discussing them openly. This can lead to misunderstandings and stress between partners, friends, and family members.

It is important to set clear financial boundaries in all your relationships. Yes, it might feel awkward to dive into some of these conversations but, it'll be worth it.

As Erin Lowry, author of “Broke Millennial,” stresses in an episode of the Erika Taught Me podcast, it is better to have clarity rather than regrets. 

. . .

Talking About Finances With Your Partner

Money arguments often stem from a lack of regular financial conversations with your partner. 

These talks will vary depending on your relationship status and living situation, but no matter where you’re at, you’ll want to make sure expectations are clear before problems arise. 

Here are a few convo starters for different scenarios:

Serious relationship but separate finances

• Who is paying for what on dates? 
• How much are we spending on each other for birthdays/anniversaries? 
• What are your spending and debt habits like? 

Living together and sharing bills

• Who is responsible for paying what? 
• Should we have a shared bank account? 
• What are our saving goals? 
• How much debt do we each have and how do we tackle it while ensuring everything else is covered? 

Married

• What are our long-term financial goals? 
• How much money should we be contributing to retirement and our kids’ futures? 
• How do we handle unexpected expenses? 
• How should we invest? 

Of course, there will be overlap between these three groups, and marriage is not the end-all, be-all for everyone. But the more financial burden you share together, the deeper and more regular your money conversations should be. 

READ MORE: How Should Married Couples Split Finances?

Money and Friends: How to Draw Boundaries 

When it comes to eating out and social gatherings with friends, you need to address societal pressures early on, before you get stuck in an uncomfortable situation — like footing $100 of the group bill when you opted for the side soup to save money. 

“It's okay to set your boundaries,” says Erin. “Just be very open and honest and transparent in a way that makes you feel comfortable.” 

She suggests giving your friends context and providing alternative options, like, “I'm trying to pay off X amount of student loans in the next year. So I'm going to just come at the end for drinks.” 

Or maybe instead of accepting a dinner invitation, you counter with an invitation to catch up with a coffee walk. 

Erin points out that many people in their 20s want to avoid these awkward moments, so they just say no all the time — which isn’t the best approach. 

“If your friend just keeps saying ‘no, no, no,’ they're gonna stop asking you … it's a really good way to lose friendships and relationships.”

Money Talks to Have With Coworkers

For many, talking with coworkers about how much we make feels very taboo. But it’s important to know that you are being compensated fairly.

Erin says she knew someone who asked a coworker of similar credentials how much he was making and was surprised to learn it was $20,000 more per year. So, she calmly went to management and asked why. 

Management was surprised to hear of the difference and consulted HR and found that her salary was plugged into the books wrong from the beginning.

Asking your coworkers in the same position with the same credentials helps you compare apples to apples. 

If this makes you uncomfortable, you can find individuals on LinkedIn who have similar job titles and try your hand at cold pitching: “I'm going into a job interview, I was planning to ask for X, do you think that's reasonable?”

READ MORE: How to Negotiate Salary According to Business and HR Pros

Talking With Your Children About Finances 

Erika says that her parents did a wonderful job teaching her how to save money — how to be more frugal and instilling practical habits like turning off the lights to save on electricity.  

But they never taught her “how to make more money, how to invest for retirement, how to negotiate for a raise, and all these conversations about the other side of the equation.” 

The easiest way to teach children about finances is to invite them into how you manage them yourself. 

While grocery shopping, explain why you pick the store brand over the name brand to save a few dollars. As your kids get older, let them see your retirement portfolio — show them the growth rate compared to your everyday savings account. 

You don’t have to give long lectures, but allow them to peek behind the curtain to see your financial wins and mistakes. 

TL;DR: Would I Rather Be Embarrassed or Resentful?

Erin says that the best summary for dealing with money conversations you don’t want to have is to ask yourself, “Would I rather be embarrassed or resentful?” 

Yes, telling your friend you can’t afford a mini-getaway on your salary is humbling, but it is better than hating your friend for making you go into crippling debt for a trip. 

For more tips on managing your money and relationships, listen to the full interview with Erin or check out these other episodes of the Erika Taught Me podcast:

• The Psychology of Money
• Are Your Relationships Healthy?
• Do You Have Money Trauma?

. . .