It is said that love covers a multitude of sins, but it doesn't pay off debt or fix a poor credit score.
Financial transparency is crucial to the health of any serious relationship. That’s not saying you have to go into the third date grilling them on their 401(k), but you do need to talk about financial strengths and weaknesses.
You should also be open about your own financial standing, career goals, and money plans. The easiest way to get someone else talking about taboo subjects like money is to be the first one to be vulnerable.

Erika Taught Me
- Talking money with someone you are trying to woo is not easy, but it can save you heartache down the road.
- Knowing how someone handles money and debt can give insight into if they are responsible and hard-working.
- Your partner’s debt load doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but are you ready to be with someone who is already married to such a huge burden?
. . .
Why You Need to Talk About Money With Your Partner
Talking about money with your partner is important for building a strong, transparent, and financially secure relationship.
The sooner you have these talks, the better. You don’t want to become emotionally and physically invested only to discover financial red flags that will put strain and heartbreak on your relationship later.
Here is some more motivation to have these hard talks early on:
- It gives you better insight into their character. No, debt does not define us, but it can show if someone is pursuing a life they can’t afford versus doing whatever it takes to hit financial goals.
- It reveals if your financial goals are mismatched. You don’t need identical five-year plans, but if your dream is to buy a house and theirs is to travel the world, you are putting yourselves in a stressful money situation with potential conflicts and resentment.
- It protects you legally. Getting married doesn’t automatically put you on the hook for your partner’s debt, but if your partner, say, finishes a costly degree after you say “I do” and you co-sign their loan, you could both be responsible even if you split ways later.
- It saves your relationship from strain later on. Money is one of the top reasons why couples fight, and financial infidelity, which is when one partner lies about money, can be as toxic as sexual infidelity.
4 Money Talks and When to Have Them
I don’t promise these money talks will be fun, but if you are serious about moving your relationship to the next level, they need to happen.
If your date is squeamish every time you bring up money, this is a good sign that you should rethink moving forward with them.
Here are four major talks to have before moving in together or becoming too attached.
1. How much debt do you have?
While this question feels overly personal, it is an important one to know after the first few dates — before you make your relationship official.
My sister went out to dinner with a guy she was compatible with, and she was ready to go to the next level. However, she revealed to me that he took out $90,000 of debt to become a chef and then changed his mind, still unsure what his career would be.
I explained why these were huge red flags and the potential future hardship their relationship would have if she ignored it.
Debt is not the plague — you don’t have to avoid anyone who has it, but if you pursue someone with a huge amount of debt and no plan to pay it off, this money stress is eventually going to leak into your relationship.
READ MORE: What Is a Debt-to-Income Ratio? How To Calculate It
2. What is your credit score?
You should know the answer to this question before you move in together.
If their credit score is low, it is possible to improve, but more importantly, you want to know the reason why they have a low credit score.
Did they forget to pay their bills or is a past bankruptcy weighing down their score? These clues give insight into how they might manage shared money and bills.
READ MORE: How to Check Your Credit Score for Free
3. What are your financial and career goals?
No one has a crystal ball, but knowing someone’s current financial standing and future goals can give you a better picture.
This talk is important to have early on — maybe after a handful of dates and definitely before you decide to get serious. How can you truly know someone if you don’t know the goals that motivate their actions?
You are trying to figure out if your finances and goals are compatible both now and down the road. For example, if you are serious about investing, but they want to splurge their way through experiences, your relationship is going to hit rocky times sooner rather than later.
READ MORE: Short-Term vs. Long-Term Financial Goals
4. What do you believe are the financial roles in a serious relationship?
This question is a loaded one to help you discover how you would split bills, manage joint money/property, handle financial emergencies, and what their expectations are of you.
You want to know this before moving in together or getting engaged.
A good way to kick off this conversation is by sharing and asking how both of your parents handled these financial situations. A lot of our financial beliefs have been shaped by our childhood, whether we realize it or not.
TL;DR: Hard Talks Now Protect Hearts Later
Navigating new relationships is tricky enough without throwing these hard money talks into the mix. Yes, we know they are a mood killer, but they can potentially protect you from so much heartbreak and stress later on.
For more tips on smartly managing your money, check out these episodes of the Erika Taught Me podcast:

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Ashley Eneriz is an expert finance writer with over 15 years in the field, writing for top names including Discover, The Hartford, Scotiabank, Chime, and Synchrony Bank. Her work has also appeared on Reader's Digest, Yahoo, MSN, Investopedia, GOBankingRate, Time, and Forbes.