4 Money Talks You Need To Have in a New Relationship

It is said that love covers a multitude of sins, but it doesn't pay off debt or fix a poor credit score. 

Financial transparency is crucial to the health of any serious relationship. That’s not saying you have to go into the third date grilling them on their 401(k), but you do need to talk about financial strengths and weaknesses. 

You should also be open about your own financial standing, career goals, and money plans. The easiest way to get someone else talking about taboo subjects like money is to be the first one to be vulnerable. 

Erika Taught Me

  • Talking money with someone you are trying to woo is not easy, but it can save you heartache down the road.
  • Knowing how someone handles money and debt can give insight into if they are responsible and hard-working.
  • Your partner’s debt load doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker, but are you ready to be with someone who is already married to such a huge burden?

. . .

Why You Need to Talk About Money With Your Partner

Talking about money with your partner is important for building a strong, transparent, and financially secure relationship. 

The sooner you have these talks, the better. You don’t want to become emotionally and physically invested only to discover financial red flags that will put strain and heartbreak on your relationship later. 

Here is some more motivation to have these hard talks early on:

  • It gives you better insight into their character. No, debt does not define us, but it can show if someone is pursuing a life they can’t afford versus doing whatever it takes to hit financial goals. 
  • It reveals if your financial goals are mismatched. You don’t need identical five-year plans, but if your dream is to buy a house and theirs is to travel the world, you are putting yourselves in a stressful money situation with potential conflicts and resentment. 
  • It protects you legally. Getting married doesn’t automatically put you on the hook for your partner’s debt, but if your partner, say, finishes a costly degree after you say “I do” and you co-sign their loan, you could both be responsible even if you split ways later. 
  • It saves your relationship from strain later on. Money is one of the top reasons why couples fight, and financial infidelity, which is when one partner lies about money, can be as toxic as sexual infidelity. 

4 Money Talks and When to Have Them

I don’t promise these money talks will be fun, but if you are serious about moving your relationship to the next level, they need to happen. 

If your date is squeamish every time you bring up money, this is a good sign that you should rethink moving forward with them. 

Here are four major talks to have before moving in together or becoming too attached.

1. How much debt do you have?

While this question feels overly personal, it is an important one to know after the first few dates — before you make your relationship official. 

My sister went out to dinner with a guy she was compatible with, and she was ready to go to the next level. However, she revealed to me that he took out $90,000 of debt to become a chef and then changed his mind, still unsure what his career would be. 

I explained why these were huge red flags and the potential future hardship their relationship would have if she ignored it. 

Debt is not the plague — you don’t have to avoid anyone who has it, but if you pursue someone with a huge amount of debt and no plan to pay it off, this money stress is eventually going to leak into your relationship. 

READ MORE: What Is a Debt-to-Income Ratio? How To Calculate It

2. What is your credit score?

You should know the answer to this question before you move in together. 

If their credit score is low, it is possible to improve, but more importantly, you want to know the reason why they have a low credit score. 

Did they forget to pay their bills or is a past bankruptcy weighing down their score? These clues give insight into how they might manage shared money and bills. 

READ MORE: How to Check Your Credit Score for Free

3. What are your financial and career goals? 

No one has a crystal ball, but knowing someone’s current financial standing and future goals can give you a better picture. 

This talk is important to have early on — maybe after a handful of dates and definitely before you decide to get serious. How can you truly know someone if you don’t know the goals that motivate their actions? 

You are trying to figure out if your finances and goals are compatible both now and down the road. For example, if you are serious about investing, but they want to splurge their way through experiences, your relationship is going to hit rocky times sooner rather than later. 

READ MORE: Short-Term vs. Long-Term Financial Goals

4. What do you believe are the financial roles in a serious relationship?

This question is a loaded one to help you discover how you would split bills, manage joint money/property, handle financial emergencies, and what their expectations are of you. 

You want to know this before moving in together or getting engaged. 

A good way to kick off this conversation is by sharing and asking how both of your parents handled these financial situations. A lot of our financial beliefs have been shaped by our childhood, whether we realize it or not. 

TL;DR: Hard Talks Now Protect Hearts Later

Navigating new relationships is tricky enough without throwing these hard money talks into the mix. Yes, we know they are a mood killer, but they can potentially protect you from so much heartbreak and stress later on. 

For more tips on smartly managing your money, check out these episodes of the Erika Taught Me podcast:

Erika Photo

Learn With Erika

. . .

Latest Articles
A young woman In a hat stands against the backdrop of the Kilimanjaro volcano and looks away.

How To Protect Your Trip by Planning With Cancellation Insurance

Young husband and wife compare travel insurance policies together at home.

How To Compare Trip Cancellation Insurance Providers

Woman with injured foot holding paperwork calls insurance agency.

How To File a Trip Cancellation Claim

Crying young woman sitting on snow injured during skiing trip.

Best Travel Insurance for Medical Coverage in 2025

Hiker grimacing and holding knee, in pain, asking for help on phone.

How To Access Emergency Assistance Abroad Through Your Travel Insurance

Related Articles

A young male/female couple drinking coffee and eating cake in a cafe.

How To Date on a Budget

Thanks to inflation, going out on a date has gotten a lot more expensive. According to a survey by LendingTree, 65% of singles say inflation

Young woman choosing bread while buying groceries in supermarket.

8 Ways To Save Money on Groceries

There’s a good chance your weekly trip to the grocery store is feeling more expensive than ever — food prices have increased 28% in the last

Compare To Other Cards

Best Offers From Our partners

Reward rate

Welcome bonus

Annual fee

Regular APR

Recommended credit

Author picture

I'm an award-winning lawyer and personal finance expert featured in Inc. Magazine, CNBC, the Today Show, Business Insider and more. My mission is to make personal finance accessible for everyone. As the largest financial influencer in the world, I'm connected to a community of over 20 million followers across TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. I'm also the host of the podcast Erika Taught Me. You might recognize me from my viral tagline, "I read the fine print so you don't have to!"

I'm a graduate of Georgetown Law, where I founded the Georgetown Law Entrepreneurship Club, and the University of Notre Dame. I discovered my passion for personal finance after realizing I was drowning in over $200,000 of student debt and needed to take action-ultimately paying off my student loans in under 2 years. I then spent years as a corporate lawyer representing Fortune 500 companies, but I quit because I realized I wanted to have an impact; I wanted to help real people and teach them that you can create a financial future for yourself.

Advertiser Disclosure

Our aim is to help you make financial decisions with confidence through our objective article content and reviews. Erika.com is part of an affiliate sales network and receives compensation for sending traffic to partner sites, such as MileValue.com. This compensation may impact how and where links appear on this site. This site does not include all financial companies or all available financial offers. Terms apply to American Express benefits and offers. Enrollment may be required for select American Express benefits and offers. Visit americanexpress.com to learn more.

Advertiser Disclosure

Our aim is to help you make financial decisions with confidence through our objective article content and reviews. Erika.com is part of an affiliate sales network and receives compensation for sending traffic to partner sites, such as MileValue.com. This compensation may impact how and where links appear on this site. This site does not include all financial companies or all available financial offers. Terms apply to American Express benefits and offers. Enrollment may be required for select American Express benefits and offers. Visit americanexpress.com to learn more.

Advertiser Disclosure

Our aim is to help you make financial decisions with confidence through our objective article content and reviews. Erika.com is part of an affiliate sales network and receives compensation for sending traffic to partner sites, such as MileValue.com. This compensation may impact how and where links appear on this site. This site does not include all financial companies or all available financial offers. Terms apply to American Express benefits and offers. Enrollment may be required for select American Express benefits and offers. Visit americanexpress.com to learn more.