7 Signs of Financial Infidelity… and What to Do Next

You might not be jumping into bed with someone else, but if you’re hiding credit card bills or secret shopping sprees from your partner, it could be as damaging to your relationship as an actual affair. 

Financial infidelity undermines trust and can lead to serious emotional and financial consequences if not addressed.

The thing about financial infidelity is that you might not even know you are in it or if you are the one causing it. It's often subtle and can start with small, seemingly harmless actions like rounding down expenses or omitting details about a purchase. 

The sooner you notice signs of financial unfaithfulness in yourself or your partner, the sooner you can tackle the problem. 

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Top Signs of Financial Infidelity

Financial infidelity is when one partner in a relationship hides financial information or activities from the other. 

While most of these signs are worrisome if you are married or sharing bank accounts and expenses, they might be red flags for newer relationships, too. 

1. Unexplained purchases or lying about purchases

Have you noticed new items appearing that don’t have a justifiable reason — i.e., a sudden influx of clothes, gadgets, or luxury items that weren't discussed or planned for? 

Or if you ask about a new item, does your partner try to gaslight you by saying they’ve had it for a long time? 

My mom used to do this to my dad, telling us to hide our new purchases and only take out one new item a week so it wouldn’t be noticeable. 

2. Secret accounts 

Another big sign of infidelity is secret bank accounts and/or secret credit cards. 

If you don’t share all of the finances in your relationship, your partner having a credit card only in their name might not be a big deal. In fact, it’s a smart idea to have separate bank accounts for your own financial security.

But if your partner is cagey or overly defensive about it, you may want to dig into why.

If you have shared financial goals, both partners should be transparent about how they spend their money and how much debt they accumulate. 

3. Frequent cash withdrawals 

Is your partner withdrawing cash frequently, either through the ATM or from in-store purchases?

While we all sometimes need to take out more money than we originally thought we’d need, if your partner is doing this as a regular habit, that could be a financial flag. 

4. Lying about income 

If your partner lies about how much they make or is not upfront about a change in their income, this should be cause for concern. 

There is likely a deeper reason why they are hiding this information from you. 

5. Emotional reactions during money talks

If a partner becomes defensive or evasive during financial conversations, it could be a sign that they are hiding something. 

Bringing up even innocent money matters could be a trigger for them. 

6. A sudden change in credit score

If you notice that your credit score dips without warning, this could be from your partner engaging in financial activities that could impact their creditworthiness, such as taking on new debt or missing payments.

While being in a relationship doesn’t mean your individual credit scores merge into one, you will both be affected on shared finances like joint loans and credit cards if one partner is being financially irresponsible.

7. Guarding the mailbox or inbox

Does your partner get too protective of their mailbox or inbox? It is possible they are trying to hide purchases, bills, and debt. 

RELATED: How to Pay Off Credit Card Debt

How To Stop Financial Infidelity 

Hiding a high-cost purchase might not seem like a big deal, but it could be the first sign of financial trouble in your relationship. 

Whether you or your partner is guilty of the above signs, it is a good idea to talk openly about it. 

Open communication

If your partner is to blame, approach them calmly and express your concerns. Avoid coming at them angry or accusatory, since this might escalate the situation rather than help. 

If you are to blame, confess and seek forgiveness. You might need to give your partner time to process what you have told them. 

Set boundaries

Financial infidelity often creeps in because you both haven’t established boundaries. 

Agree on things like never opening up a new account without the other partner’s knowledge or not purchasing something over a certain price point without talking it over. 

Commit to regular financial planning dates where you can discuss bills, budgeting, financial goals, and debt repayment together. 

Seek professional help if needed

Consider working with a financial advisor or therapist to mediate the situation. 

Requiring help doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed — you just need an unbiased third party to keep you both accountable. 

READ MORE: 4 Money Talks You Need To Have in a New Relationship

FAQs

Is financial infidelity a crime?

Most financial infidelity, which involves one partner hiding financial transactions, debts, or assets from the other, is not considered a crime in legal terms. 

However, it can have severe consequences for a relationship, leading to a breakdown in trust and communication. 

If there is ever a time one partner misuses the other’s Social Security information, this can cross into illegal territory, since it is considered identity theft. 

How can couples prevent financial infidelity from happening? 

Set up regular financial check-ins so both partners can openly discuss their spending habits, savings goals, and any financial concerns. 

Creating a joint budget can also help align your financial priorities and ensure transparency in transactions. 

How can I rebuild trust after financial unfaithfulness? 

The person who is to blame should commit to transparency on all spending until trust can be reestablished. 

This might mean they put away credit cards or stop visiting certain stores for some time.

They should also work on identifying the root of their actions — are they afraid of not having enough money, do they have issues communicating needs, or are they emotionally triggered to overspend? 

TL;DR: Financial Infidelity Needs to Be Addressed

Hidden debt and secret, lavish spending aren’t grounds for a breakup or divorce, but these issues need to be addressed as soon as possible. 

The longer you or your partner are financially unfaithful, the more strain it puts on your budget and relationship. 

Be transparent about your finances and work together, not against each other, to get back to a time of trust and smart money management. 

For more tips on managing your relationships and your money, check out these episodes of the Erika Taught Me podcast:

• Do You Have Money Trauma?
• Are Your Relationships Healthy?
• How To Set Your Kids Up Financially

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